I’ve sat still for so long AFRAID of stepping out of my comfort zone. The fear of not trying the things i want because of what i believed would happen. “There is no way i am doing that. It will never work and besides people will look at me crazy.” Keeping myself locked up in this box of how i think others would accept me. Afraid to try something different because I may FAIL. Afraid of failure and wanting validation is what it all came down to.

Perfect example: I have been following my Mentor Mia Ray for about three years on social media. I always admired her drive, confidence, and ability to go for what she wants no matter the outcome. Just sat back and watched as I sat still and did nothing to better myself. Thinking it was impossible for me to succeed at anything I put my mind to.

Back then,  I never understood why I was this way. Growing up as a adolescences , I lacked encouragement, ambition and motivation. I rarely tried to the best of my ability and did the bare minimum. Always doing the “shortcut” version completing homework and projects because going into it, my expectations were LOW. I will say the people around me could have done a better job providing with the tools to believe in myself more. I never had a problem voicing who to blame for along time and STILL using that as a excuse as to why I felt stuck where I was as I grew into adulthood.

It’s much easier to blame others for why we are where we are in our lives. Our parents, our workplace, our peers, you name it, we blame it. For whatever reason, we will hold on to all the wrong that was done to us. The ultimate every day battle I have is with MYSELF and letting go of the hurt others did to me . My self confidence and worth was damaged. I want to be who God is bringing me into BUT those old ways tend to show its ugly face. I couldn’t let go of what “everybody” else did and ignored what I could do to change my situation.

The battle became harder when I DECIDED I no long wanted to continue to blame others for where my life was and make the changes necessary to start living life abundantly. I knew it wouldn’t be a easy process being a creature of habit but I was FINALLY ready to try.

I was finally ready to live a happy life.

The more I seeked God and the relationship I DESPERATELY always wanted with him, the more the enemy tried to knock me down. I didn’t stop getting back up and continuing to go to HIM . The more I connected with and became the better version of myself, the worst version tried its hardest to overcome, I didn’t stop pushing and fighting to be my best self. I made the decision to never give up on myself and battle who I once was with who I’m destined to be.

I finally didn’t need validation from anyone but God and myself.

I finally know now that no matter how impossible things may seem, I can do whatever i put my mind to. I may not always succeed but as long as i believe in MYSELF, i will never give up on myself! I am no longer AFRAID and that is what I call true FREEDOM!

 

 

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โ€‹I haven’t always loved my natural hair and knowing who I am today you would probably never guess. I did EVERYTHING  possible to have straight,  kinkyless . Ignoring getting trims so my hair would seem longer than it should be,  excessive heat EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Putting hair glue and sew ins just trying everything I could so I didn’t have to wear my “ugly” hair. Relaxers. 
That good old “creamy crack“. ๐Ÿ™„
I get it,  I’m not the first nor will I be the last person with self “hair” hate. I’ve cut all my hair off where I was virtually  bald and I have had hair past my shoulders. I wasn’t afraid to try different things with my hair. But on day something click in my head : I can color,  cut,  put chemicals and all kinds of crazy stuff,  but why am I so afraid of rocking my hair the way it grew out off my head? 
*Ding ding ding*,  you guessed it: I was afraid of what people would think. It sounds a bit looney but I serious was terrified of how people would react. I spent my school years in prominently white school where all the girls had long,  straight hair that blew with the wind. 
That is all I knew and I found myself trying SO hard to keep up with the european way. Kids who didn’t were made fun of because their hair was “nappy” or “ugly“. It didn’t help that my step mother knew nothing about taking care of a little black girls natural hair and never took the time to learn so got “perms” (or the correct term,  relaxer) every month.
The relaxed phase lasted until I turned 18 years old. Graduation day of 2010, I got a relaxer and my step sister glued some tracks in to give me more length. My loved how my hair looked and I felt so confident walking across that stage toward my diploma. What a great day I was that quickly turned into a nightmare. 


The next morning was something straight out of a movie
.

 
I went to straighten the hair on my head that was left out and it burned right off!  I was mortified and left with a bald spot in the middle of my head. 
 It was AWFUL and I was broken.
 The little bit of confidence I did have was thrown in the trash along with my burnt hair ๐Ÿ˜”.
After that,  I made the decision to make that  transition. It was definitely hard and something to get use to. I cut out chemicals but continued to straighten my hair (not as often as I used to).  This lasted for 3 years and then I got pregnant. Toward the end of my pregnancy,  I decided I was going to go natural and do it the right way. ๐Ÿ˜Š
Yes,  I ditched the chemicals BUT I also ditched the heat.  I made the decision to love the hair God blessed me with for the sake of my daughter. I was going to be her very first role model and everything I did,  she would see. Including how I loved myself.  I couldn’t teach her to love her God given features if I constantly tried to change mine. 


Today,  I love every single strand of coily mess that grows out of my scalp.๐Ÿ™Œ

 I love the thickness and I love the fullness. I love that my hair is what makes me stand out. I embrace my hair and although at the time it happened I didn’t appreciate it,  I appreciate that my hair breaking off happened. I probably would have never found the self love I have for myself today or it would have taken much longer than it did. 
Things happen how they are supposed to and you may not understand when it does happen, but it will make since eventually. I can walk around proudly with my fro not giving a damn about what the next person thinks. Let them laugh,  let them judge,  let them look and let them disagree. ๐Ÿ’…
I really don’t care,  because finally I found who I am and I’m able to live in MY truth. I’m able to be naturally me. โœจ