I’ve sat still for so long AFRAID of stepping out of my comfort zone. The fear of not trying the things i want because of what i believed would happen. “There is no way i am doing that. It will never work and besides people will look at me crazy.” Keeping myself locked up in this box of how i think others would accept me. Afraid to try something different because I may FAIL. Afraid of failure and wanting validation is what it all came down to.

Perfect example: I have been following my Mentor Mia Ray for about three years on social media. I always admired her drive, confidence, and ability to go for what she wants no matter the outcome. Just sat back and watched as I sat still and did nothing to better myself. Thinking it was impossible for me to succeed at anything I put my mind to.

Back then,  I never understood why I was this way. Growing up as a adolescences , I lacked encouragement, ambition and motivation. I rarely tried to the best of my ability and did the bare minimum. Always doing the “shortcut” version completing homework and projects because going into it, my expectations were LOW. I will say the people around me could have done a better job providing with the tools to believe in myself more. I never had a problem voicing who to blame for along time and STILL using that as a excuse as to why I felt stuck where I was as I grew into adulthood.

It’s much easier to blame others for why we are where we are in our lives. Our parents, our workplace, our peers, you name it, we blame it. For whatever reason, we will hold on to all the wrong that was done to us. The ultimate every day battle I have is with MYSELF and letting go of the hurt others did to me . My self confidence and worth was damaged. I want to be who God is bringing me into BUT those old ways tend to show its ugly face. I couldn’t let go of what “everybody” else did and ignored what I could do to change my situation.

The battle became harder when I DECIDED I no long wanted to continue to blame others for where my life was and make the changes necessary to start living life abundantly. I knew it wouldn’t be a easy process being a creature of habit but I was FINALLY ready to try.

I was finally ready to live a happy life.

The more I seeked God and the relationship I DESPERATELY always wanted with him, the more the enemy tried to knock me down. I didn’t stop getting back up and continuing to go to HIM . The more I connected with and became the better version of myself, the worst version tried its hardest to overcome, I didn’t stop pushing and fighting to be my best self. I made the decision to never give up on myself and battle who I once was with who I’m destined to be.

I finally didn’t need validation from anyone but God and myself.

I finally know now that no matter how impossible things may seem, I can do whatever i put my mind to. I may not always succeed but as long as i believe in MYSELF, i will never give up on myself! I am no longer AFRAID and that is what I call true FREEDOM!

 

 

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The older I get, the more comfortable I have BECOME with expressing myself.  Of course,  I’ve learned along the way there are a number of ways you can. I tended to choose the wrong way when I was younger and found it never worked out the way I thought it should.


 Mostly negative,  overly dramatic and what many would call “doing TOO much”. 


It was hard for me to see things from the inside looking out.

You are either oblivious to whats going on or you choose not to open you mind, your heart and to close you mouth long enough to realize it.

Whatever it was for me,  I had fallen tired of the way I felt after a situation’s aftermath when I would act out.

What is the point,  where did you think this go with how you chose to handle things?



There was no point and I always felt childish and unhappy EVERY SINGLE TIME. I just wanted my way,  point blank. I also took me to be blessed to be able to bring another life into this world. That was where I learned the true meaning of selflessness,  unconditional love and that it definitely wasn’t all about me. 
I had to learn to build a bridge and get the hell over it. Took a lot of praying, trusting, crying, falling and letting go to finally learn how to handle things and handle it in a positive manner.

How I can express myself without getting defensive and still get my point across.  How people understand me better when I sit and think before I speak. I have come a LONG way but there is still many things for me learn. I have some chapers on my story to tell but its far from complete. Excited for all that is to come.