Cheers to the New Year!

Cheers to the New Year!

What a refreshing feeling to be able to turn over a new leaf, open a new chapter, and start fresh! Yes, it is finally 2018: the year we all have been waiting for…or maybe not. 

While bringing in a new year can be a clean slate, sometimes hard times or short comings make us dread another year. So many changes and misfortunes happen in 2017, leaving some of us feeling hopeless and even heartless. 

It’s just another year , who cares? What’s really changing except a new day? Whatever.

Yeah, you can look at it in that light but why would you want to? Look, I get it, 2017 sucked and I have a testimony that could have put me on my ass and kept me there. With all of that, I have been giving many lessons in 2017 and I want to share some with you. 

I learned anything is possible with God who is my higher power, faith and hard work. You cannot want something to happen without putting in the work and confirmation with your higher self. Working for it is only half the battle, but always confirm through prayer, meditation, reflection and most importantly FAITH. 

I learned the importance of patience. Wanting something before it is your time will give you results opposite of your expectations. So many time in 2017 I went for something and if I didn’t have a solid plan, the right mindset and patience, it NEVER worked out the way I imagined. Patience you will learn, is a lifelong friend you want in your corner along your journey.

I also learned that words and thoughts are the most powerful things we obtain.The more negative we speak on our lives and others, the more miserable we make ourselves and our surroundings. The more positivity we speak on our live and the lives of others, now that’s where the greatness of “magic” happens. 

Practice positive affirmative actions, catch any negative thought or statement and replace with something positive, and ALWAYS remember the storms you may face will always pass. Trust me on this!

Don’t allow your emotions to take control of your life. This was one of the biggest struggles I had to overcome, and still work hard every day to get better every day. 

The work doesn’t stop…ever! Even when you get it, keep that momentum going baby!

So, even though 2017 wasn’t particularly great, doesn’t mean 2018 will be the same. If you want your life to change, you have to work daily and keep a positive outlook on everything

So CHEERS to 2018, the year of the warrior! 

Where everything we believe in will manifest into things beyond our wildest imagination! Where all our thoughts will become things so keep them in check. To prosperity, blessings, love, success and happiness. And to us taking our lives back !

Happy New Year everyone! Now let us get to work!




“God has a plan, stay faithful. God has a plan, stay faithful. God has a plan, stay faithful.”

I said to myself repeatedly as I sit in DeKalb Medical hospital bed. Tears pouring down my face as I think of how incredibly blessed I really am. A person who those would label fragile, enduring all that I have would have let 2017 knock them to the floor, defeated.


I had hit my lowest point of this temporary battle, asking God why?  I felt like I was taking a blow from left and right. Stumbling and grabbing on to whatever I could to stay on my feet. Then when I thought life was giving me a break, she comes and knocks me down, hard.


“Ain’t that a muthafuckin bitch?”


Losing my father to prostate cancer was the start of the downhill spiral. My king and lifelong best friend was ripped right out of my life with a blink of an eye. The disease took my father’s life at 55 years old, as he fought the greatest fight. I sat with him on his last days, holding on for my life. I was afraid to leave him, knowing what was soon to come. He couldn’t talk much but his personality and humor never left. One thing I can say I appreciated about him, no matter how frustrated or in pain he might have been in, he didn’t allow that to take away from who he was.  He left this earth July 30th with all his children, his wife and several of nieces and nephews by his side, just as he wanted it to be. He’s left this world complete.


That was the start to all hard pills I had handed to me. Two weeks after losing my father, my father in law passed in a terrible accident that pulled my family in the ring with me.  My soon to be Husband lost his best friend all the while trying to help me heal from losing one my own.  I honestly don’t know how I would have done it without him, but it was hard watching him try to hold it all together. He did his absolute best being the provider, protector and comfort I needed at that time, making me fall in love with him all over again. He did everything without having to be asked and showed complete understanding and patience all while dealing with his own shit.


“He’s a good man Savannah!”


Life goes on like always and we managed to take things day by day.  The universe started to seem like it wanted to cut us a bit of slack. Emotionally, I was still a damn wreck, just looking at my father’s picture or reminiscing broke me down. I started feeling physically frail and drained, more than usual.  I would sleep whenever I can and lost interest in everything. In my mind, I thought I was going through a moment of depression and this too shall pass. Unfortunately, things weren’t getting any better and I started experiencing pain and major selling in my left leg and foot. It was like someone stabbed me in my leg repeatedly, it was unbearable I could barely walk.

I can’t take anymore God PLEASE!” I yelled from my bedroom floor in frustration and excruciating pain.


We went to the hospital and I was diagnosed with DVT or in other words Deep Vein Thrombosis.  All we could think at this point is God has something up his sleeve, all this can’t be for nothing, and we refused to believe that. I believe that faith and trusting process and what He has in store kept us together even as we struggled with our own personal battles. I got better and I continue getting better as the day passed. I learned how to be Self-ish, no not selfish, SELF-ISH! 

Putting me first doesn’t mean I don’t put my husband and daughter’s need in consideration. It’s ok to put myself first when it comes to my well-being, its okay to not have the world on my shoulders and to share the load, and it’s OK to let the tears and the screams OUT, cleansing my spirit and my soul of all the poison I carried all my life, past and present.


It’s ok to be self-ish; you deserve to be the best version of you.


One thing I know for sure, I was not created to be defeated. God left that trait out when he made me. He created a warrior out of this woman and showed me what faith is all about. He told me “Know how important you are and take care of yourself too!”  life will bring you to your knees more than you know, but know God’s plan is much bigger than you struggles, just hold on a little longer.



I’ve sat still for so long AFRAID of stepping out of my comfort zone. The fear of not trying the things i want because of what i believed would happen. “There is no way i am doing that. It will never work and besides people will look at me crazy.” Keeping myself locked up in this box of how i think others would accept me. Afraid to try something different because I may FAIL. Afraid of failure and wanting validation is what it all came down to.

Perfect example: I have been following my Mentor Mia Ray for about three years on social media. I always admired her drive, confidence, and ability to go for what she wants no matter the outcome. Just sat back and watched as I sat still and did nothing to better myself. Thinking it was impossible for me to succeed at anything I put my mind to.

Back then,  I never understood why I was this way. Growing up as a adolescences , I lacked encouragement, ambition and motivation. I rarely tried to the best of my ability and did the bare minimum. Always doing the “shortcut” version completing homework and projects because going into it, my expectations were LOW. I will say the people around me could have done a better job providing with the tools to believe in myself more. I never had a problem voicing who to blame for along time and STILL using that as a excuse as to why I felt stuck where I was as I grew into adulthood.

It’s much easier to blame others for why we are where we are in our lives. Our parents, our workplace, our peers, you name it, we blame it. For whatever reason, we will hold on to all the wrong that was done to us. The ultimate every day battle I have is with MYSELF and letting go of the hurt others did to me . My self confidence and worth was damaged. I want to be who God is bringing me into BUT those old ways tend to show its ugly face. I couldn’t let go of what “everybody” else did and ignored what I could do to change my situation.

The battle became harder when I DECIDED I no long wanted to continue to blame others for where my life was and make the changes necessary to start living life abundantly. I knew it wouldn’t be a easy process being a creature of habit but I was FINALLY ready to try.

I was finally ready to live a happy life.

The more I seeked God and the relationship I DESPERATELY always wanted with him, the more the enemy tried to knock me down. I didn’t stop getting back up and continuing to go to HIM . The more I connected with and became the better version of myself, the worst version tried its hardest to overcome, I didn’t stop pushing and fighting to be my best self. I made the decision to never give up on myself and battle who I once was with who I’m destined to be.

I finally didn’t need validation from anyone but God and myself.

I finally know now that no matter how impossible things may seem, I can do whatever i put my mind to. I may not always succeed but as long as i believe in MYSELF, i will never give up on myself! I am no longer AFRAID and that is what I call true FREEDOM!



Bernadette McIntosh Stephens was born September 16th , 1962 in Barney,  Ga. She gave birth to Laura Elizabeth Tard and Alexandria Stephens,  both in Trenton , NJ. 

 My mama was creative, intelligent, loved writing poetry , loved music 🎶 and dancing 💃,  hated taking pictures 📷 and would dodge the lense with a quickness. I remember hearing my mother singing 🎤 and snapping along to her favorite songs. Even as young as I was,  I admired my mother more than anyone or anything. She was simply beautiful inside out. ✨
She held a type a strength that I always looked up to. No matter how much hurt or heartbreak she may have endured,  she always kept her beautiful smile shining. She always put my sister Laura and I first and kept the things that mattered important.
She was the strongest woman I ever knew. 💪 

I remember every other weekend she take my sister and I to spend the weekends with our granny 👵. Granny’s house was home. All my cousins would be at Granny’s while my mama,  uncles,  aunts and older cousin would play cards all night filling the small home with loud laughter,  trash talk and unconditional love. ❤ And the fish frys with the fresh fish granny would prepare herself everytime we got together.  She too was my best friend and I always looked forward to watching her “stories” with her and spend quality time. 
We’d run around barefoot getting into everything. Climbing trees and terrorizing everything. Granny would threatening us with a “switch” to the behind. Granny didn’t play but she loved all her grandchildren hard. Those were the best times and memories I will forever cherish. 

Even with the hurt and fear of what may or may not come next,  my mama never let it show. She was so genuine and wanted everyone around her to be happy. She didn’t play about her family,  especially her children, not one bit. 
I remember one summer my mama,  who I might add does NOT swim,  jump in the deep end to save my bad ass after I jump inside the pool. She showed the true definition of what a Mom will do to protect her child and how selfless she was. She saved my life. 
She was and still is my role model. A true definition of a queen. 👑
But in the blink of an eye she was gone. God had other plans for Bernadette.

 One afternoon after a beautiful day spent with her and my sister,  God called her home. I remember being numb and so young I didn’t really understand what was going on. I remember being scared and so confused. 
When I lost my mother, I lost everything. My sister and I were seperated and I didn’t see her again for years. I remember being so angry for so long because I didn’t understand why was this happening to us. 

 I always felt so guilty think what could I have done different for her to still be here. 
I lost a piece of me when she left,  when my sister left and I suppressed all of these feelings and thoughts for a long time. I was silent for a long time, and I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to face it. I would isolate myself from everyone and everything growing up. I let anger and depression take over my life for a long time. 
But I had to stop blaming God for taking my mother from us.  I didn’t understand then that what I went through needed to happen for me to get where I am today and where I will continue to go. After years of feeling the emotions I endured,  I learned ways to gain my happiness again.
I talk to my mother ever single day even thought she’s not here physically. I ask he questions,  share my thoughts with her, laugh with her and she’s everywhere I go. She is by my side as I raise my very own daughter.  My little girl sees her picture everyday and knows that’s here grandma and smiles at her. I know she is with us always and I’m so grateful for that. 🙌

I love you mommy and thank you for being my hero and my forever angel.  You put everyone’s happiness before your own. You made so many sacrifices and I am so grateful and appreciative of YOU! You had alot of pain that may have been ignored but now that I understand, I AM SO GRATEFUL! I strive every single day to be an amazing mother just like you. 😘

To all the mothers out there:  Happy Mother’s day . Enjoy your loved ones today and know that you are loved,  appreciated,  and I see all you hard work.  We see all the sleepless nights,  the prayers made,  all the tears shed,  and all the laughter shared. I love you ❤
To all the daughters and sons:  show you mother or a woman who is special to you in your life you love and appreciate them. Don’t take them for granted even if you don’t agree with them,  see their point of view and have that respect for them. Cherish them and keep them close❤

Being a black woman in 2017 is such an empowering and beautiful thing. All the opportunity and “acceptance” to showcase the magic we have to offer the world. I am pro Black. That doesn’t mean I am anti White or anti any other race. That means I am proud of what I am and where I came from.
My ancestors before me have been oppressed for 400+ years. Never allowed to embrace their culture,  skin,  religion,  and beliefs openly. Never being allowed to take what skill God has given them and gain the knowledge to do what they want in life. Their strength to keep pushing against all odds is what inspires me today.

Though time have changed,  black people are still oppressed. We are opressed in the workplace,  profiling,  social media, the gifts we have to offer the world are suppressed. Thats just to name a few things. Same shit,  different toliet,  right? The problem is still present and hasn’t gone anywhere. 

I will never understand why repecting and treating a person is based on their skin COLOR. Regardless of that ONE difference, each and every on of us are HUMAN

Now comes the “disadvantage” of being both a woman and being BLACK. 
Image those things I listed and times them by 2. Simply by the double jeopardy of being both Black and woman ,  society has problems respecting the humanity of both groups. 

Society is somehow for whatever reason threatened by a strong BLACK woman. 

Society has this idea that all black women are what the media and Hollywood portray. We are bitter. We are angry. We are lazy. We are stupid. Ghetto. Ratchet. Ugly. Not good enough. 

They have no idea the beauty that lies within us. We are strong. We are loving.  We are compassionate.  We are intelligent.  We work our asses off. We have class. We are beautiful. We are enough.  WE ARE MAGIC. 

We may always be looked at as lesser than and may never get the respect we are owed. We have to continue to shed our light and shine bright. Continue to be our best selves. Uplift our fellow sisters and always encourage one another. Always have a shoulder for our sisters and push her to her greatest potential.

We have to continue to spread LOVE
The journey has not been and easy one.  It may never be.  But I wont allow society to suppress me from living. Suppress me from being happy and proud of who I am.
I will continue to express my blackness through my hair no matter how “nappy” it is to you. I will continue to feel sexy in my “too dark” skin.  I will continue to stand tall knowing the magic I have to offer. 

Regardless of uncomfortable or upset it may make others around me,  I can’t  be anything other than I am.


I remember this day this photo captured like it was yesterday.  Yes,  this was my love bug’s first birthday party. But this day reflected an equally great achievement 


We had made it through with her being a happy,  healthy baby girl with all her parts still intact 😂 Looking at this photo,  you probably wouldn’t have known I was BARELY holding it all together. 

I was literally late to my child’s birthday with having to get last minute things my LATE sister was expected to bring. She did but I was a panicing nut case running around trying to do EVERYTHING. 

I was still putting up decorations while dad was trying to operate a grill he had NO idea how to get started. My sister finally made it with the stuff we needed (we had duplicate decorations; all of it was returned the next day 😒) and jumped right in to help. People started showing up and I was a COMPLETELY mess inside and out.  I needed to shower and my hair was as wild as ever.

Luckly,  God Mom made it with the cake and cupcakes moments after and I was able to whosa for 10 whole minutes!  Even in our small cozy 2 bedroom apartment, we had a ball of a birthday. Everyone came and showed our Journi some love and made me forget about all the reality that we faced after they were gone. 
We made it through but boy it was a struggle for the both of us.  We were blessed with a happy girl but we were having trouble keeping things together at times like any parent with a newborn.  

somedays we didn’t know our left’s from our right and wouldn’t see eye to eye about decisions

Somedays were better than the next and it put a lot of tension between us. With him already having a child,  he felt he knew more than me when it came to certain things.  “I basically helped RAISE my nieces and nephew,  Manny I know what I am talking about. ” NEITHER of us had a real clue how parenting 24/7 really was. 

Just the night before her party,  we had a disagreement that left us not talking the rest of the night… But we had to swallow our prides,  let it go and smile through for the sake of our daughter. 

At the end of the night,  babygirl was bathed and put to bed.  After cleaning  up the day’s fun,  we sit.  And something strange happened that I will NEVER forget. We just LAUGHED. We laughed for a good 2 minutes. The crazy party was we said nothing we just… Laughted.

After talking,  we realized how petty and small our fight was. We were to blessed and we let a stupid disagreement divide us. Look at how blessed we were and what we have made it through.

We went through some of the worst times and have been dragged through the mud by people who just wanted to “help” us get on our feet. Every single time,  God pulled is through and blessed us two times over. We worked hard and remained humble even as the blessing flowed. That was the we vowed to NEVER allow that to happen again. 
Yeah,  we fall short but we have learned to check ourselves and when we are wrong to correct ourselves. We were damn good parents we just needed to be confident in that. Once we became confident,  we began to flourish. 

Mommyhood is not a easy job.  You are STILL very emotional and scattered sometime after (lasted a year and a half AFTER I had Journi), you still have doubts if you are doing things right,  you have sleepless night watching your baby and continuously checking of they are breathing 🙄, you have moments where eyou feel like a failure and just need to cry it out. 

You have these hard times but you also have those wonderful moments.

You get to watch you child grown right before your eyes, you are there for all their milestones, you see there smile and hear their laughter, all the sweet hugs and kissed they are  so generous to give especially when you feel like you aren’t  doing your best.  She always makes me feel like the best mother alive. 

Motherhood is full of pure beauty and full of memories I’m blessed to look back on

There are good time,  worst times,  and better times. I wouldn’t choose my life to have gone any other way. Seeing jer smile is a blessing in itself. And knowing what I know now,  anything we face we will prevail,  I know that for a fact. 

The older I get, the more comfortable I have BECOME with expressing myself.  Of course,  I’ve learned along the way there are a number of ways you can. I tended to choose the wrong way when I was younger and found it never worked out the way I thought it should.

 Mostly negative,  overly dramatic and what many would call “doing TOO much”. 

It was hard for me to see things from the inside looking out.

You are either oblivious to whats going on or you choose not to open you mind, your heart and to close you mouth long enough to realize it.

Whatever it was for me,  I had fallen tired of the way I felt after a situation’s aftermath when I would act out.

What is the point,  where did you think this go with how you chose to handle things?

There was no point and I always felt childish and unhappy EVERY SINGLE TIME. I just wanted my way,  point blank. I also took me to be blessed to be able to bring another life into this world. That was where I learned the true meaning of selflessness,  unconditional love and that it definitely wasn’t all about me. 
I had to learn to build a bridge and get the hell over it. Took a lot of praying, trusting, crying, falling and letting go to finally learn how to handle things and handle it in a positive manner.

How I can express myself without getting defensive and still get my point across.  How people understand me better when I sit and think before I speak. I have come a LONG way but there is still many things for me learn. I have some chapers on my story to tell but its far from complete. Excited for all that is to come.