I haven’t always loved my natural hair and knowing who I am today you would probably never guess. I did EVERYTHING possible to have straight, kinkyless . Ignoring getting trims so my hair would seem longer than it should be, excessive heat EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Putting hair glue and sew ins just trying everything I could so I didn’t have to wear my “ugly” hair. Relaxers.
That good old “creamy crack“. 🙄
I get it, I’m not the first nor will I be the last person with self “hair” hate. I’ve cut all my hair off where I was virtually bald and I have had hair past my shoulders. I wasn’t afraid to try different things with my hair. But on day something click in my head : I can color, cut, put chemicals and all kinds of crazy stuff, but why am I so afraid of rocking my hair the way it grew out off my head?
*Ding ding ding*, you guessed it: I was afraid of what people would think. It sounds a bit looney but I serious was terrified of how people would react. I spent my school years in prominently white school where all the girls had long, straight hair that blew with the wind.
That is all I knew and I found myself trying SO hard to keep up with the european way. Kids who didn’t were made fun of because their hair was “nappy” or “ugly“. It didn’t help that my step mother knew nothing about taking care of a little black girls natural hair and never took the time to learn so got “perms” (or the correct term, relaxer) every month.
The relaxed phase lasted until I turned 18 years old. Graduation day of 2010, I got a relaxer and my step sister glued some tracks in to give me more length. My loved how my hair looked and I felt so confident walking across that stage toward my diploma. What a great day I was that quickly turned into a nightmare.
The next morning was something straight out of a movie.
I went to straighten the hair on my head that was left out and it burned right off! I was mortified and left with a bald spot in the middle of my head.
It was AWFUL and I was broken.
The little bit of confidence I did have was thrown in the trash along with my burnt hair 😔.
After that, I made the decision to make that transition. It was definitely hard and something to get use to. I cut out chemicals but continued to straighten my hair (not as often as I used to). This lasted for 3 years and then I got pregnant. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I decided I was going to go natural and do it the right way. 😊
Yes, I ditched the chemicals BUT I also ditched the heat. I made the decision to love the hair God blessed me with for the sake of my daughter. I was going to be her very first role model and everything I did, she would see. Including how I loved myself. I couldn’t teach her to love her God given features if I constantly tried to change mine.
Today, I love every single strand of coily mess that grows out of my scalp.🙌
I love the thickness and I love the fullness. I love that my hair is what makes me stand out. I embrace my hair and although at the time it happened I didn’t appreciate it, I appreciate that my hair breaking off happened. I probably would have never found the self love I have for myself today or it would have taken much longer than it did.
Things happen how they are supposed to and you may not understand when it does happen, but it will make since eventually. I can walk around proudly with my fro not giving a damn about what the next person thinks. Let them laugh, let them judge, let them look and let them disagree. 💅
I really don’t care, because finally I found who I am and I’m able to live in MY truth. I’m able to be naturally me. ✨